It was a fabulous sunny day when we met up on the festival day of Beltane. Accompanying the sun was a fresh breeze that would be accompanying us off and on throughout the day. I had a feeling and decided to change the itinerary. Dinas Bran was to be the last place we were going to visit. However I felt that we should visit it first and so that was to be our place of beginnings.
We arrived an hour or so later and began the climb. Both Gwas and I have been increasing our physical fitness and so the climb itself was of no consequence. Other than the wind howling around us of course. As is becoming the norm, once we reached the top we split up and both headed in a direction that was purposeful for us.
As an aside Gwas noted a Bee (my new totem) floating around the entrance to Dinas Bran. He queried it as to whether we were allowed in and it flew into the castle giving as a well received sign.
On a previous occasion I had left a stone for my Energetic Double at Dinas Bran and although I had picked up a stone (on the slopes) for this purpose I felt that it was something that I would be carrying around for the day. Having said that my first stop was to sit in the window where I had left that earlier stone. As the wind howled an impossible thought occurred to me, we can only leave when the wind stops, I told myself. Even if it takes all day. Oh dear I thought immediately after this, sometimes I don’t half put myself into a predicament.
As I sat there the wind howled in through the gap and my attention was caught by the t-shirt I was wearing on the day. It had wolves on it. I placed the rock on a ledge with the intention of picking it up at the conclusion of this visit and was off, feeling my way around the site looking for a place of appropriate energy. I finally found a place that I had to climb up a wall to reach,
Sitting facing the sun I opened my thoughts to any impressions that would lend themselves to me. Let me say that although I had been promised another Blue Key (see this post). I had no idea of what to expect. Within an utterly surprising time I was visited by that wondrous being Cailleach. She smiled her signature smile and asked “How are you student?” Excellent I replied, I have given up fighting the notion that I am not her student, although it took me a while to do so.
Again she was presuming to read my thoughts. “That is good to hear, because you have had it all wrong about me.” I was puzzled and asked her to explain. “Last year when I came to you, you felt that if you became my student you would lose yourself and become a follower of me and mine?” Yes, I replied, wondering if it was a question. “That is where you are wrong, I am a teacher of the subject that you bring”, What? I queried, wanting a better explanation. “There is no Way of Cailleach,” she said, “There is only your way. You wanted to learn to release your Energetic Double, I taught you. You wanted to learn to become a Knight, I am teaching you.” She smiled,“I can only teach you what you want to learn”
There was a pause as I took in this really profound knowledge. A quick reprise of the last year’s (I first encountered Cailleach almost a year ago) experiences revealed exactly what she said. She wasn’t teaching me the way, she was teaching me my way. Profound!
Rather grudgingly, I said that perhaps I should have trusted her more. She laughed, “You had to fall before I can catch you” she said,I didn’t understand that Koan and let it slide.
I sat for a moment longer and noticed that the wind had stopped. It was a surprising experience because it had looked like the wind would be blowing all day. But it had stopped completely. I wondered whether this elemental magic was Cailleach doing, she wasn’t saying.
Cailleach turned to me then and showed me something, here it becomes difficult, because I can’t describe well what it was that I saw, but it felt like an elastic that had been stretched. Over the last year I have been stretched, now I am at my maximum and today, Beltane’s day the elastic was to be released. This day!
As is my rational want, I wondered whether ‘all this’ was an illusion created by an over active imagination or whether it was ‘real’. I noted the oxy-moron of asking Cailleach the question even as I voiced it.
Still she had an answer, cryptic as always. “Yes and no, I am what I am, but for you I am limited to what you can believe.” I was pondering these words even as I returned from my revelry…what you can believe, not what you believe?
The conclusion of this experience was noteworthy by the fact that as I turned to look at Gwas, he too looked up at me, having concluded his commune, coincidence of course.
We gave thanks to Dinas Bran and as we did many other travellers appeared from both sides of the castle. We had been fortunate to have had the whole hill to ourselves.
As we cleared up to leave I was reminded of the rock I had placed on the ledge and I went back to collect it. It had gone! Seriously it had gone! How? Who?
Kal Malik – being released
