As the nights draw in here for the Northern Hemisphere countries our lives begin to change in subtle ways. We lose the lightning power of The Sun in the mornings and evenings. As this power is depleted the changes may even be mirrored in our body chemistry, and consequently in our thought processes. For many people “Seasonal Affective Disorder” (SAD) is a fact of life – they get more depressed in the Winter months. Luckily, I don’t suffer from this, however that doesn’t mean that I am not prone to dark influences. Here is my very personal story about how my psychic shield got breached, and I became a victim of my own dark shadow. If ever there was a horror story to accompany a Winter evening, this is one that will chill your bones!
I can’t tell you how difficult this is to write. I am a strong independent person with what I often believe is a will of iron. Once my mind is set I generally achieve what I set out to do. In addition, I am very healthy. Physically I am in peak condition, my immune system is very strong, and I pride myself in keeping myself in good condition mentally, physically and spiritually. That is, after all, my whole reason for being – to keep my soul’s cage in the best of working conditions. So, it is with some level of embarrassment that I found myself getting ill in a number of ways recently, most particularly not being in total control of myself. I was being influenced by a shadow self.
Jung and The Shadow
In Jungian terms I was encountering what the great psychologist termed The Shadow. This concept is so prevalent in film, television, fairytale and mythology that it hardly needs an explanation. We know it as the often sublimated and suppressed urges arising from our usually latent desires and instincts. Almost every horror film is a depiction of the struggle with The Shadow. When it is let loose it has the capability to put the ‘light’ self in a tricky situation, because it does not obey the rules and the established norms of society. In my quest to be a “good person” I may have pushed these instincts too far under the surface, and now they had chosen to re-emerge at a time when I was physically and energetically weak.
I have an inkling now about what triggered it to become dominant, but only because I have managed to dowse it after the fact. The Shadow creeps up on you from behind. What I did know at the time was that I was acting out of character with how I perceived myself, and out of step with my spiritual goals. I first noticed The Shadow emerge in the dream world, where my dreams began to include unusually violent or sexual situations. I put it down to any one of a hundred reasons, and carried on. It would go away.
Next it began to make itself mentally present during the day. My thoughts began to turn to matters that I didn’t usually allow. Forbidden subjects. Deviant topics. If you’ve had these thoughts yourself you know what I’m talking about. I began to wonder what was going on now. How could I be having these thoughts? I hadn’t had thoughts like this since my early teens, the years when my mind was struggling to define itself in its emergence into the world of adulthood, when laws and ethics were being created and challenged with equal rapidity, when I was defining the boundaries of my self.
The final straw came after a few days of The Shadow manifesting itself within me physically. I was now doing things, making things happen in the physical world that my poor helpless moral self was appalled at! Finally, it rebelled with sufficient force as to cause me to stand up and summon the forces of my will power to re-assert control, if only for long enough to decide to do something about it. This had to stop, or my world was going to come crashing down around me and I would be left in the middle of it, alone, wondering what the hell had happened! Hell indeed. Time for action!
