Farewell to a spirit guide

Finding a Spirit Guide

Very early on in my druid training I tried an experiment. The experiment was to call upon a spirit guide and see what happened. I did so via the staff that I was using at the time. I placed it beneath the old apple tree in my garden and asked that if a spirit wished to come and work with me, to be my guide, then let it come into the staff and I would see if it was suitable Days later, when I dowsed the staff, to my surprise it registered as having the presence of an intelligent entity about it. Little did I realise at the time what that relationship would become.

I learned only the barest minimum about my guide. That was the way she wanted it. She appeared to me in a black cowled robe, hiding her face from me, allowing me only the faintest glimpses of her presence. Once she sat by me and I saw her clearly. Once.
Over the two years that she was with me I knew that she would one day leave. I understood that the relationship was one of mutual learning. She had a job to do – a requirement that she needed to fulfil in order to progress herself. She needed to teach a young druid how to fend for himself in the magickal world.

We established ground rules, how things would work, what I could ask and what I couldn’t. Then we worked “professionally” together for a couple of years. I have to say that she was incredibly giving. When I called upon her, providing I really was intent upon learning, she was available for me. I worked hard, and learned very quickly – far faster than those who I came into contact with who had similar experiences. For this I was grateful, because I had a voracious appetite to learn about magick and energy and nature and spirits and… the list went on!

Losing a Spirit Guide

After Samhain in 2012 the relationship began to change. I put it down to the general seasonal change of energy. The connection diminished. I thought of her and called upon her less. Her input was less the kind that provided startling revelations, and more a nudge to remember what she had taught me already. I almost blush to say that on some occasions I worked without her and forgot about her!

For the Yule Solstice I went to Castlerigg. Theodora, my long-term spirit guide was called upon and she delivered one last image. An image of me being a centre point for energy as it travelled between the Earth and the Celestial realms. I felt centred, grounded, complete. I felt like a proper druid in every way – connected, humble yet central to the work, progressing, progressive, yet aware of tradition.

A few days after this experience I came up with the idea of testing whether all of the major assumptions that I had been working with were correct or not. The first question was: “Did I have a spirit guide?” Of course the answer should have been “Yes” but it came out “No“. I was shocked! I went through all of the kinds of thoughts that come with the end of a dear relationship – was it me, had I done something wrong, had I offended her, was I too needy, did I demand too much, not enough, was she bored…. it went on. Actually, the relationship had simply come to the end of its term. The departing was natural, timely, and necessary. I had graduated beyond the point where I needed Theodora’s help and so she quietly left – no fuss, no tears. It was the best way to do it. I’m terrible with farewells.

Today is Imbolc and I go back to Cumbria in search of a new guide. A new year, and a new spirit to work with. How exciting!